A Travelogue Interlude: What it’s like “doing long distance”

Recently, I’ve been getting this question a lot. Since I’ve lived in Ireland since January and Stephen has been living in Georgia, people want to know our experience “doing long-distance”. Because for us, it’s not like the distance between UGA and Georgia Tech; we have a whole ocean and then some between us.
So I plan on giving the very honest truths about keeping up our relationship from what feels like a million miles away. I’m starting with pros because, not gonna lie, there are less of those.
Pros:
1. Just You and Me
        Stephen and I have been able to get to know one another in a very pure way. No frills, or even other people involved. Just him and me, magically connecting across a screen. When you get engaged after five months, and although you have no doubts in your mind it’s so right, it’s  still encouraging that we never run out of things to talk about.
2. Priorities
        With both of us in school, and all of the traveling I’ve been doing, and all the conferences he has been doing, we have been able to call, mostly video, almost every day. I’ve been gone for over four months and we’ve missed two days. I think. I know one was in Barcelona, but I think we’ve missed one more than that? Regardless. We decided we would still make time in our day to see one another. And as we prepare to get married, I think that skill of finding time for each other, will be invaluable.

Cons:
1. No Fiancé
       This one is obvious. Long distance relationships mean the lack of physical connection; it means no real dates, and we have to fight for the seconds together. It’s exhausting. Rewarding, but I will be so glad when it’s no longer necessary.
2. The Time Difference
      The time difference is the worst. Right now, we’re 5 hours different. When we’ve travelled, we’ve been six or seven hours apart. So he walks home really quickly from school, and I stay up late. Or he calls me from an empty room on campus and I leave a friend dinner. Things become more complicated when you have to plan for a time difference.

         I’m having a difficult time coming up with pros and cons that I haven’t already described. But they lead us to a question. Is it worth it to date long distance? My friend and I had this conversation last summer and he made a super good point. He said, and I’m paraphrasing, that if you’re dating someone who you want to continue dating when you’re no longer long distance, that there’s no reason to break up. What do you get out of a breakup? Dating other people you like less than your significant other? Meaningless physical satisfaction? You risk ruining something amazing that you had, because if there was someone better out there, you should be with them, and not the person you’re debating long distance with.
       Maybe that seems like common sense, or that was too rambly to follow. It sort of seems unnecessary to have to explain that, but there were a lot of people who asked me if Stephen and I were going to break up while I was gone. Uh, no. But I have made the other decision. I was dating a great guy, and then we were looking at two years long distance, and I decided that there were other people that I was better suited to out in the world, and so this guy and I broke up. And I met Stephen. So it all works out.
       Quick tips. 
       If you’re thinking about doing long distance, here’s how we made it work. It’s going to be in paragraph form because lists are hard. First, and I alluded to it previously, but Stephen and I continue to make time for each other. We sacrificed time and effort in order to build our relationship. You can’t expect to grow closer, or even avoid growing apart, if you’re not actively trying to build build build while you’re not constantly together. We have access to incredible technology that lets us call across an ocean! For free! Seriously, whatsapp is where it’s at. And video calls are so good.
       Another suggestion that works for us is sending pictures. I send Stephen pictures of everything that’s happening and I love showing him where I’m at or what I’m doing. It also gives us the chance to see what the other person sees and so when we finally do get to call, we have real conversations and don’t just catch up on the day to day for the whole hour.
      Additionally, visit. I know it may not be possible, depending on the situation, but for Stephen and me, it was. We had one week in the middle of my four months, and it was blissful. I’m incredibly grateful we had the means for that to happen. And it gave us an awesome engagement story. (More on that later). There really is no true replacement for real contact with each other, and even though the taste of it is making this last half harder, it’s also easier with a more recent memory to hold on to.
      I’ve asked Stephen for his input on tips for doing long distance, so I’ll probably revisit this with his side of things. But there you have it, a potentially unwanted interlude between travels, but it’s been on my mind.
     EDIT: So I got Stephen's thoughts about long distance, and I loved it. Let's see what you guys think of his list.
Stephen's Tips  
 
1. Talk Frequently, but Be Understanding of Schedules
            Even though we've tried to talk every day, we try not to be upset if the other person has to go. I have to work a little harder at this than Stephen, I think, because he's busier with important things right now, with deadlines and such. But he's more patient with me when I'm throwing the schedule off with traveling and the like.

2. Be Supportive of Each Other's Adventures
            He says be genuinely interested in adventures and mundane events! There's adventure in cooking a new recipe or discovering a foreign city.

 3. Find Ways to Address Your Partner's Love Language- even from a distance!
        I love psychology quizzes, and of course I made Stephen take the 5 Love Languages Quiz! One of mine is words of affirmation. One of the things Stephen does so well is pay attention to a challenge I share with him, and then he tells me how proud he is of me when I finish the challenge, even if I think I did it poorly. Even if I knew I failed a test or whatever, he finds some reason to make me feel good about what I did. And he does this even while we're so far away. What a good guy.

So there you have it, all the feelings and emotions that come from a long-distance relationship. You even get the boy's perspective. It's fun stuff. Kinda.

Peace out, Boy Scouts.
Eden